My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
