a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
