Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
