im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
