Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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