I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize