first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
