I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
