just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
