after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
