I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
