She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Randomize
