I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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