Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
