Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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