i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry about my life...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
