How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
