I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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