My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
