we made out on top of his cat.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
