I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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