More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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