physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
