Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
