Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
