You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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