I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
