Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
