There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
