Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
