Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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