Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
