those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
