Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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