its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
