Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
