Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
