I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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