What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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