I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
