the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
