There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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