guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
