Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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