Are we in a gay sports bar?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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