Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
