If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
