i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
