I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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