I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
