my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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