Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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