You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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