I heard we made out
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
