He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
