I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
