at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
