I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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